Welcome to Slick & Junebug’s Diner

Welcome back to Murder & Mayhem Week. 

Today, I’ve traveled all the way to Goose Pimple Junction to meet some very special people. Since these two busy folks couldn’t leave in the middle of the mid-day rush, I decided to visit them instead. I’m delighted to be talking to Slick and Junebug Calloway, the owners of the aptly named Slick & Junebug’s Diner. 

And, guess who else is here? It’s my favorite author, Amy Metz. It looks like she finally took a break from her computer and decided to grab a bite to eat at the most popular spot in town. Nice to see you again, Amy.

Thanks for talking with us, Slick and Junebug. Before we talk about the Diner, I’ve got to ask you about your unusual names. Did Amy give you those or are they nicknames?

Slick: What’s wrong with our names?
Junebug: Oh, don’t listen to this old coot, I’ll tell you about our names. You’re right, they’re both nicknames. Slick has worn his hair slicked back like that ever since he was a boy. His mama used the pomade very liberally, and folks started callin’ him Slick, and it stuck. My name came about on account of two things: one is I was born in June, and the other is when I was a baby my daddy said I was no bigger ‘n a bug, and they started callin’ me Junebug.

Can you tell us your given names?
Slick: Clarence

Junebug: Shirley

Those are nice names, but I do like Slick and Junebug better. I hear you’re one of the best cooks around, Slick. Who taught you to cook?
Slick: My mama, bless her heart. She was a better cook than I am, and in fact I’d hire her over at the diner if she were alive today. She taught me everything I know about cookin’.

What’s your favorite food to make?
Slick: I make the best cheeseburger you’ll ever put in your mouth.

Junebug: He’s right, he does.

Amy: His cheeseburgers are so good they’ll make your tongue slap your brains out.

What would you call a cheeseburger in diner lingo?
Junebug: Burn one, take it through the garden and pin a rose on it.

So all your cheeseburgers are well-done?
Slick: Naw, Burn one just means I grill ‘em. Want me to make you one right now?

Maybe later. What’s your favorite thing he makes, Junebug?
Junebug: I love his bakin’. There ain’t nothin’ in our diner that’s store bought. It’s all made from scratch, even the life preservers.

Life preservers?
Amy: She means donuts.

Junebug: Slick makes killer donuts. But I’d have to say I like his pies the best. He doesn’t make one that I wouldn’t climb through all of Georgia to get to.

Amy: His Eve with a lid on is the best thing you ever put in your mouth. It’s won the town fair blue ribbon for as long as anybody can remember.

Slick: She means apple pie.

Ah. What’s your favorite thing to order in diner lingo?
Junebug: You mean, what do I like to say the best?

Yes, when you head to the kitchen to place an order. What’s your favorite thing to say?
Junebug: Well, I love to-go orders because I can say, “Let it walk” or “Give it shoes.” And I love nervous puddin’. You know what that is?

No idea.
Junebug: Gelatin. Bossy in a bowl is a goodun too.

That’s got to have something to do with a cow. Is it chili?
Slick: No, it’s beef stew. You know what I like the best?

No idea.
Slick: Clean up the kitchen.

Junebug: Not literally, he means hash. 

Slick: It’s not only good tastin’ and fun to say, but I get to use up a lot of food that otherwise would get tossed.

I hear that the diner has two regulars who occupy counter stools every single day. What do they order the most?
Junebug: Trouble.

Slick: Ah, she’s just kiddin’. Clive and Earl are talkers, though. First of all, they always have coffee. Clive likes his black.

Junebug: Which in diner lingo is mud.

Slick: And Earl likes his coffee with cream and way too much sugar. I always tell him he likes coffee in his sugar.

Junebug: That’s called a blond with sand.

Amy: And two cups of coffee are called a pair of drawers.

Interesting. What else do Clive and Earl like?
Slick: Anything.

Junebug: Everything.

Slick: They usually order the blue plate special. I change it up so they have something different every day.

Junebug: And even though Earl doesn’t have one tooth in his head, he’ll order and eat just about anything. It might take him longer, but it doesn’t deter him.

What does Amy usually order?
Amy: Slick does something to his ham that’s out of this world. I don’t know what it is, but a ham sandwich with lettuce and tomato and some sweet tea is good eatin’.

Slick: That’s my Noah’s boy, and she always want to take it through the garden.

Amy: He means lettuce and tomato. Sometimes he’ll add onion–pin a rose on it–when he has a sweet Vidalia onion sitting around. But actually, any of Slick’s baked goods are my favorite.

Junebug: He makes pies with six-inch high meringue, cakes with icing an inch thick, big fat chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies, donuts, brownies, you name it, Slick makes it, and it’s good.

Okay, folks. I’d better let you get back to work. And you all are making me hungry. Can I have that cheeseburger now?
Junebug: Burn one, Slick. You wanna take it through the garden and pin a rose on it, hon?

Sure, why not. And, to all you folks at home, why don’t you curl up with a cup of coffee, a slice of Slick’s pie, and a copy of Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction? You can find a copy of the book on Amazon or Barnes & Noble
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