Tricia: Hello, Jackson, thanks for being here. I have a few things I want to ask you. My first question is, are you a native Goose Pimple Junctionian?
Jack: Goose Pimple Junctionian? Is that a word?
Tricia: It is now. So are you?
Jack: No, I moved to GPJ in 2004. I lucked out though, and bought a house next to Louetta Stafford, the unofficial queen of GPJ.
Tricia: Why is she the queen?
Jack: Louetta has lived here all her life, and she knows everyone and everything that has to do with Goose Pimple Junction.
Tricia: In Murder & Mayhem, you often serve as “translator” for Tess. If you’re not a native of GPJ, how is it that you are you fluent in southern speak?
Jack: I grew up in a small town in Kentucky, and I’ve heard it all! It would take a lot to stump me when it comes to southern speak.
Tricia: Okay. Let’s try. Get your straw out of my Kool-Aid. What does that mean?
Jack: Mind your own business.
Tricia: She had a hissy fit with a tail on it.
Jack: That means her fit is worse than usual. She’s mad and you’d better watch out.
Tricia: Busted two sets of kneecaps.
Jack: Walked too much.
Tricia: You can put your boots in the oven, but that don’t make ’em biscuits.
Jack: Just because you say so, doesn’t make it true.
Tricia: They had supper before they said grace.
Jack: Oh, um…that means they lived together before they got married.
Tricia: Did you ever…
Jack: (laughs) No. I never…
Tricia: Okay, let’s pretend it’s Saturday at noon. What are you doing?
Jack: I’m walking Ezzie, or helping Tess in the yard, if it’s a nice day outside. Except for in the summertime. In the summertime, when the heat is 98 with humidity to match, I’m letting Ezzie out for a quick ‘do your business’ and then I’m either reading or writing, or I’m taking a drive in my red ’54 Chevy, down one of the scenic country roads around here, with Tess in the passenger seat and Ezzie on her lap–her head out the window, nose in the air, and her ears flapping in the wind.
Tricia: Ezzie is known for her ability to sniff out a tennis ball or a cupcake with uncanny ability. Has she done anything new lately? I think the last I heard, she’d opened the refrigerator and raided it?
Jack: Yes, she was real bad about that for a while. I don’t give her much of a chance to do that anymore. I think the funniest thing she’s done lately was when we took her to a pet store, and she found a display of tennis balls and lay down on the floor in front of them with an expression on her face like she’d found Santa Claus.
Tricia: She’s so cute. I visited Slick & Junebug’s Diner the other day. What’s your favorite meal at the diner?
Jack: Oh man, that’s a hard one. I love everything he makes. All of his baked goods, all of his breakfast dishes, you can’t go wrong with any dinner entrees…
Tricia: Jack! Pretend you’ve been away from GPJ for a while. When you return, you go to the diner. What do you order?
Jack: Tricia, you are a hard woman. Okay, if you put it that way, I’d say Slick makes a right smart heart attack on a rack.
Tricia: And that would be?
Jack: Biscuits and gravy, of course. You’re not from around here, are ya?
Tricia: Smart aleck. Thanks for being here. Give Ezzie a pat on the head for me.
Jack: Will do! Thank ya kindly for having me, Tricia. Stop by any time. But call before you come.